Not this crude matter

The most honest review of Action 52 ever.

Just trust me on this. The guy is histerical. Literally.

This is part 7 of mikeyspiky200’s epic review of Action 52, and I’m posting this video because it has the part where he is imitating the music, and tries to guess how they came up with it.

It’s just freakin’ hilarious! And that “music” is so ridiculous, I can compose better music in 2 minutes! A monkey can compose better music! Goddamnit, it’s so annoying…

This is part 1 of yet another Action 52 review. Yes, this guy too plays all 52 games on the cartridge. And unlike Armake21, he provides an in-depth analysis of all the games, making this a series of videos, you can’t miss if you’re a fan of funny and well though-out video game reviews. He even has a problem counter!

I want to give this guy bonus points for the british accent too! :-) Make sure you watch all the episodes, it’s a real treat to see these horrible and ridiculous “games” under this level of criticism. It’s just damn funny!

It has description for all of the games! With quotes like:

1. FIREBREATHER
This is a two-player game in which you and your friend (good luck finding one brave enough to play this) ride dragons around and generally try to blast the stuffing out of each other. There are some random harmful objects around, and it’s unknown as to where or why they pop up. Active wasn’t really concerned about flicker, either, because flying down to the bottom portion of the screen does just that with your health meters.

and

9. ALFREDO
This game has a chef going through his kitchen and bopping little evil sausages or whatever into pancakes. Yet another platformer in which the protagonist jumps like a pansy. You need to be on your toes when you play this, too, because you might be walking along, getting caught up in the looping scenery, when BAM!!! a sausage flies right into your face. Scary.

and…

21. STREEMERZ
As much as I hate misspellings like these, this was sort of interesting. You play as a little guy with a diagonal grappling hook thing and you have to get as high as you can without getting hit by enemies. I really wanted to like this one, but not only are you given no way of defending yourself against the erratic, unpredictable movements of the enemies, you are hurt if you touch the money bags. Money kills. Ridiculous bug or subtle social commentary? You decide.

… and providing useful behind the scenes development info, like…

28. CRY BABY
After playing this irritating clone of Chill Out/Illuminator/whatever, you may start crying. By the way, I’m beginning to wonder if the Active programmers had a dartboard for determining which type of game they should make next. If the dart hit the outer section, they made a shmup. If it hit the middle section, they made a platformer. If it hit the inner section, they made an Illuminator clone. If it hit the bulls-eye, the person who threw the dart would be shot in the head for being so talented. Instead of beams like in Illuminator, your baby carries some kind of melee water hose, and if you fall from a height of at least 1 inch, you die.

… this review really doesn’t disapponint and convinces you FOR LIFE, not to play this game. EVER.

Game design: -2/10 Ugh. Bebe’s Kids was better than this. Every third game seems to be a space shooter,and two of the games don’t even start up,for Jhonen’s sake! All the other games are terrible,from ”Sombreros’ where a Mexican guy walks down the street and shoots cars,to Cry baby,where a baby tries to kill people with a bottle(and dies if he falls from a meter-tall chair),from Storm over Desert,with the invincible marching Saddam Hussein,to Non Human which is just plain freaky,from Hambo,the game where a ill-fated pig with a mullet jumps over balls,to Time Searchers(or something) where two fingers flick things,revealing the words ”Time?” There are so many awful games on this. I named only a few of them. Heck,all of them are awful,but at least the space shooters were generic! Shaq Fu is a better idea than,oh say, Shooting gallery,where you can’t die and it eventually freezes up,forcing you to watch the intro again! GAAAHHHH!

Another excerpt from the same review.

And if you had any doubt, I can tell you, that there were another meetings about the games, and they approved the most insane, ridiculous, random, bullsh*t ideas, and made a “game” about them!

You know you did not design a worthwile game if it can be described as: “The one with the green desert, the pink tanks and an invincible marching Saddam Hussein appearing randomly.”

Oh, and if you ever hear the sentence: “Shaq-Fu is a better idea”, than you should quit designing games NOW.

Armake 21 VS Action 52: The Epic Review (Part 3)

Action 52 is a game which consists of… you guessed it, 52 minigames. It came out in 1991 and sold for… $200. No kidding.

This is part 3 of Armake 21’s epic review. I just picked one randomly, because all parts are excellent, you should check the whole series out. I can picture people going literally INSANE after spending 200 bucks on this product.

Action 52 has 52 games, and even if you put all effort which was utilized to make these games into 1 game… it would still suck!

Armake21’s brilliant narrative consists of mocking of the game’s music by humming and singing it, extensive rambling about the nonexistent game design elements and cussing. A lot of cussing. But in the end, it’s an extremely entertaining epic review of a ridiculous game. Don’t miss it.

Hook review (NES)

This game looks like it was designed (and I’m actually extremely generous here, using this word at all…) using in MSPaint. The review is so hilarious, I couldn’t stop laughing.

"Who the #&@&# bounces off water???" - LOL

"The story is just so stupid, we’re gonna cover it up with a flying fairy-thing" - Oh, my god, WTF is that, it looks ridiculous! You know a game can’t be good when you’re having problems just trying to read the story, for crying out loud…

"WTF can that possibly be??? It’s a panda ghost… with a hat that looks like a moose’s antlers… Just what the @#!&?" - LMAO!!!

"How could they not notice that??? Oh, I’m sure they have noticed it, but they just went: @&#! it, let’s just release it like this!"

OMG, this game is sooo horrible, it’s just beyond words! You have to see this video for yourself…

Oh. My. God.

I don’t know if this is indeed the worst NES game ever made (I thankfully never played E.T.), but man, this looks so bad… And why is a moose trying to kill a mouse which is sliding down a staircase? What on earth is going on here? It makes no goddamn sense!!!

It’s just ridiculous…